Our soul is the essence of us, the way we think and the director of our actions.
I have to be honest, it took me almost 30 years to identify my soul. Identifying what fed my soul came shortly there-after. I realized I was consumed by my environment, “Chained to the Rhythm,” is how Katy Perry puts it.
The best way I can explain it, is to say I was bewitched. No, better yet, I was a puppet on a string, and my puppeteer was work, fun, trends, motherhood, everything but me. My work took up most of my time but rewards were fruitless. After I funded the other puppet masters in my life, I was left with nothing. Soul and pocket empty.
It wasn’t until my older son’s father’s passing that I became awakened. The sudden death of this presumably healthy 28-year-old man caused a disruption that no one was prepared for, especially me. Mario Jr., my firstborn lost his best friend. I was forced into stillness. That’s when the inner me emerged.
For the first time I saw my reality. My younger son’s dad, nowhere to be found, so now I’m left with two boys parenting alone. Un-degreed, unmarried, unaccomplished and two babies by different men, were the standouts of my legacy weighing heavily within. In that moment I could see who I was ordained to be was far removed from my reality.
All those years I was unconscious. It’s like he died to set me free.
The stillness became my teacher. I listened as she spoke and her first question, “What are you doing with your time?” I came up with nothing, nothing of substance. In all of my activities there was no thing worth repeating. I was informed yes but that’s cause social media made me… shallow. I worked yes, but it might as well been for free. Everything I watched on TV was reality; you know the scripted “unscripted TV programming,” that unconsciously fed my aspirations. That self audit gave me the base I needed to change. It became apparent that I had become what I was consuming. And since it had no substance, I had no substance, and my soul was corrupted.
The second question she asked, “If you were gone how would your children fare? What mark would you leave here?” Again I came up with nothing. There was no thought of legacy; the truth of my selfishness was uncovered.
Her last question, “What is your next move?” Since my first discovery was that I was substance less, I sought it. I turned to faith and asked God for direction. Through reading, prayer and meditation I was able to feed my soul with wholesome fruit. My relationship with God reminded me that I was placed on earth to fulfill a purpose.
Now I pay close attention to how I spend my time. Taking full responsibility for what I consume through my ears and my eyes. I learned that those entry ways are vulnerable, now I fight to protect my soul. I am the gatekeeper. I fuel my purpose, uncorrupted.
I moved from selfish to selfless. My boys were the first recipients of this adaptation; however it later extended to other family members and my community. My devotion to doing reflects in my willingness to give. Mahatma Gandhi was right when he said, “The best way to find your self is to lose yourself in the service of others.” My kids will be the beneficiary of the powerful rewards of serving.
I leave you with these questions to help you self audit so you may hear your soul speak.
What are you doing with your time?
Are your daily activities building your legacy?
If your answers are undesirable, what will you do to change the narrative?